How do you ask your family and friends if they would like to give toasts at your wedding without pressuring them into it?
There are a few people who I’d like to give toasts and readings at my wedding but I’m worried if I – the bride – ask them, they’ll feel obligated to do it, even if they don’t want to.
I’d especially love my mum to give a speech on the day but I don’t know how comfortable she’d be doing it. She’s been nervous doing public speaking before and I hate the thought of her spending the day worrying about the speech instead of enjoying herself, but I know she’ll feel she has to say yes if I ask her.
While I could ask someone else, it’s really the only part of the day she could be involved with, since she’s not giving me away. I don’t want her to feel left out and I’m really torn on what to do.
The word ‘wedding’ conjures a fixed image for people, based on hundreds of years of tradition. A diamond ring. A white dress. A cringey disco.
But some of those ‘must-have’ wedding traditions aren’t even that traditional. (White dresses only got popular in 1840!) And they probably aren’t you, either.
Here’s the thing: your day should feel like your day. With the time, money, and effort you put into your wedding, you should have a day you love, that reflects you and your partner – not snobby etiquette writers from 1803.
It can be hard to feel you can push back on wedding traditions – especially when everyone from your in-laws to your dog walker keeps telling you you need to do this or you’ll regret not doing that.
But you don’t have to have anything at your wedding that you don’t love. Really.
Welcome, pals, to our monthly Problem Pal segment, where we give actionable, anonymous advice on all your wedding woes.
So No One Told You Life Was Going To Be This Way has written in with a worry I reckon everyone’s had planning their wedding:
How do I pick a best man without insulting my other friends?
It can be hard enough working out how to choose your wedding party, but singling out just one of your friends to be your best man, maid of honour, or mate of honour can feel like a minefield.